Post by Vipercloud on Nov 26, 2011 0:57:31 GMT -5
Hey there Mr. or Mrs. Grumpy Gills- are you having a bad day? Are you bored out of your mind? Got nothing to get you out of your deep blue funk? Well don't fret because I have a solution! (I think...) Take this daily, weekly, monthly, or whenver you feel like it! Read these witty phrases, see any funny pictures and even add more by pming yours truely! I will try to get back to you as soon as I can but I have a lot of patients ^^
This will be relatively clean (as in pg13) with insults being mild and hopefully not too offensive. If anything offends you too much please tell me and I will remove it if I see your point.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason."
- Author Unknown
"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
- Will Rogers
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go"
- Oscar Wilde
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
- Author Unknown
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research."
- Author Unknown
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
- Author Unknown
"You're never too old to learn something stupid."
- Author Unknown
"He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame."
- Author Unknown
"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."
- George W. Bush
"Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman."
- Author Unknown
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."
- Sam Levenson
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
- Elayne Boosler
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
- Alan Dundes
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."
- Mark Twain
"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."
- Author Unknown
"The problem with trying to make yourself stupidier than you already are is that you very often suceed."
-C. S. Lewis (Magician's Nephew)
"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual."
- Patrick Moore
"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."
- Author Unknown
"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not Guilty.""
- Theodore Roosevelt
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night."
- Charlie Brown
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
- Rodney Dangerfield
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
- Tommy Cooper
"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
- Jeff Foxworthy
"Me fail english? Thats unpossible."
- Matt Groening
Funny Flair and Such
"I'm here to observe the human race. (And I can't stop laughing.)"
"So then I was like Avada Kadavera and he was like Dead.-Voldemort"
"Of all the people I know, you're one of them."
"Out of my mind, back in 5 minutes."
"I poked Voldemort and survived."
"Drive slow and see our city, Drive fast and see our jail."
"I trip while standing still, now THAT takes talent."
"Go hug a land mine."
"Thespians get PAID for their Multiple-Personality Disorders."
"I'm not lost, I'm taking a detour."
"No, I can't go to hell, they gave me a restraining order."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself ....and spiders."
"I love how in scary movies the person yells out 'Hello?' as if the killer is going to be like: 'Yeah, I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwhich?'"
"I don't hate you. But if you were on fire and I had a glass of water I'd drink it."
"You give me that funny feeling in my tummy. You know, the one that precedes vomiting..."
"I laugh in the face of danger and then hide until it goes away."
"Don't play stupid with me, I'm better at it."
This will be relatively clean (as in pg13) with insults being mild and hopefully not too offensive. If anything offends you too much please tell me and I will remove it if I see your point.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason."
- Author Unknown
"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
- Will Rogers
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go"
- Oscar Wilde
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
- Author Unknown
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research."
- Author Unknown
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
- Author Unknown
"You're never too old to learn something stupid."
- Author Unknown
"He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame."
- Author Unknown
"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."
- George W. Bush
"Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman."
- Author Unknown
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."
- Sam Levenson
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
- Elayne Boosler
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
- Alan Dundes
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."
- Mark Twain
"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."
- Author Unknown
"The problem with trying to make yourself stupidier than you already are is that you very often suceed."
-C. S. Lewis (Magician's Nephew)
"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual."
- Patrick Moore
"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."
- Author Unknown
"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not Guilty.""
- Theodore Roosevelt
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night."
- Charlie Brown
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
- Rodney Dangerfield
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
- Tommy Cooper
"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
- Jeff Foxworthy
"Me fail english? Thats unpossible."
- Matt Groening
Funny Flair and Such
"I'm here to observe the human race. (And I can't stop laughing.)"
"So then I was like Avada Kadavera and he was like Dead.-Voldemort"
"Of all the people I know, you're one of them."
"Out of my mind, back in 5 minutes."
"I poked Voldemort and survived."
"Drive slow and see our city, Drive fast and see our jail."
"I trip while standing still, now THAT takes talent."
"Go hug a land mine."
"Thespians get PAID for their Multiple-Personality Disorders."
"I'm not lost, I'm taking a detour."
"No, I can't go to hell, they gave me a restraining order."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself ....and spiders."
"I love how in scary movies the person yells out 'Hello?' as if the killer is going to be like: 'Yeah, I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwhich?'"
"I don't hate you. But if you were on fire and I had a glass of water I'd drink it."
"You give me that funny feeling in my tummy. You know, the one that precedes vomiting..."
"I laugh in the face of danger and then hide until it goes away."
"Don't play stupid with me, I'm better at it."
) smell like hey from a barn (a very comforting smell in deed) where as dogs smell like someone just upchucked.