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Post by Wolfstar on Jul 28, 2012 11:48:46 GMT -5
read it
the war was caused by food and water shortage, the humans dont care cause they are driven by hunger, but eat more than the wolves. when a wolf dies in battle, they dont even notice, the wolves eat less than the people
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Post by Shadowstalker on Jul 28, 2012 12:27:26 GMT -5
I did read it.
But my point is, they wold care for the wolves because they are their only hope, you know? Just like if you have a sled dog, you don't threat it horribly, because then it functions horribly. If they are treated cruelly, they are too weak physically to do anything, and then become no use, thus stranding a sledder. Catch my drift?
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Post by Wolfstar on Jul 28, 2012 13:32:40 GMT -5
yes, but the wolves are driven for food and will kill for meat, like a animal that has rabies. its a different world
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Post by Firestarscourge on Jul 29, 2012 0:18:33 GMT -5
(can we get back to rping...)
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Post by Wolfstar on Jul 29, 2012 0:21:56 GMT -5
(yes, can u please look at Powerclan, i stopped post anything so u can catch up)
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Post by *Midnightsoul* on Jul 29, 2012 13:37:25 GMT -5
I have a bit of critiquing to do..
For one, I've heard that a chapter is at least 1,000 words long for interest. I myself don't always go for chapters at 1k words, but I do tend to strive for that goal.
It'd be easier to read if you spaced out where each wolf talks; maybe a new paragraph or something? I just find it hard to know who's talking when, even if you put "*Name* said" after the talking.
Oh, and the final thing is that I looked at the allegiances you have going on, and both characters have absolutely no flaws. x.x Most people will want to read a story or roleplay and/or actually roleplay in a roleplay where the characters have flaws. Flawless characters are boring because there isn't a single person/animal/etc. that's perfect, and if there was, they'd be a pretty boring person/animal/etc. So, on that note, I'd suggest putting in some major and minor flaws to stir things up and spark interest here and there. :3
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Post by Wolfstar on Jul 29, 2012 15:42:07 GMT -5
First of all, its th prologue. Second, ill fix it. Third, its my first story ever written/typed, so im a newbie. Fourth, thats a bit?!
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Post by Wolfstar on Jul 29, 2012 15:50:22 GMT -5
There its modified
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Post by *Midnightsoul* on Jul 29, 2012 15:51:24 GMT -5
I was a newbie at one point, and when I was, I probably would've been very glad to have critiquing, and I didn't get much critiquing, so I find it pretty rude that you seem so hating toward critiquing; I'm not trying to insult you, I'm trying to help you. I don't understand "Fourth, thats a bit?! " If you're pointing toward the "flawless characters" part, I was being honest: most people aren't going to want to read it if the characters don't have any flaws because being flawless is boring. Have you ever heard the saying that if we were all the same, we'd be pretty boring? It fits here, too; if a character's perfect, they're boring.
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Post by Wolfstar on Jul 29, 2012 15:55:23 GMT -5
alright, sorry that i went all out Mid
one thing for sure, did u notice that the rest of the story is going to be RP, its just we cant continue util someone signs up, Fire is "Scoria"
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Post by *Midnightsoul* on Jul 29, 2012 15:58:55 GMT -5
one thing for sure, did u notice that the rest of the story is going to be RP, its just we cant continue util someone signs up, Fire is "Scoria" I did notice, but in that case shouldn't this be in the Wolf RP board? o.o Some of the RPs have prologues despite being RPs, and this doesn't appear to be an exception to that.
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Post by Wolfstar on Jul 29, 2012 16:02:17 GMT -5
didnt notice * slaps self* I feel STUPID!!!
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Post by Wolfstar on Aug 9, 2012 20:03:27 GMT -5
modified, and need more playas
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Post by Wolfstar on Aug 11, 2012 15:51:52 GMT -5
Waiting for more playas
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Post by Firestarscourge on Aug 11, 2012 20:22:52 GMT -5
Waiting to rp 8P
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Post by Wolfstar on Aug 11, 2012 20:33:19 GMT -5
its your turn Fire
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Post by Firestarscourge on Aug 11, 2012 22:03:45 GMT -5
"yeah true" said scoria " but they are stronger"
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Post by Wolfstar on Aug 11, 2012 22:05:45 GMT -5
"lets hope its not like last week" Wolfin muttered ( cheek chapter one, well so far of it)
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Post by Firestarscourge on Aug 11, 2012 22:07:55 GMT -5
"yeah those bears were tough, and let's hope we don't lose any this time"
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Post by Wolfstar on Aug 11, 2012 22:44:45 GMT -5
" we wish, lets get this over with" muttered Wolfin. suddenly the battle started and Wolfin ran and jumped on the croccidile, missing his jaws by a hair and did a killing bite
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