the war was caused by food and water shortage, the humans dont care cause they are driven by hunger, but eat more than the wolves. when a wolf dies in battle, they dont even notice, the wolves eat less than the people
Last Edit: Jul 28, 2012 11:55:32 GMT -5 by Wolfstar
Post by Shadowstalker on Jul 28, 2012 12:27:26 GMT -5
I did read it.
But my point is, they wold care for the wolves because they are their only hope, you know? Just like if you have a sled dog, you don't threat it horribly, because then it functions horribly. If they are treated cruelly, they are too weak physically to do anything, and then become no use, thus stranding a sledder. Catch my drift?
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Post by *Midnightsoul* on Jul 29, 2012 13:37:25 GMT -5
I have a bit of critiquing to do..
For one, I've heard that a chapter is at least 1,000 words long for interest. I myself don't always go for chapters at 1k words, but I do tend to strive for that goal.
It'd be easier to read if you spaced out where each wolf talks; maybe a new paragraph or something? I just find it hard to know who's talking when, even if you put "*Name* said" after the talking.
Oh, and the final thing is that I looked at the allegiances you have going on, and both characters have absolutely no flaws. x.x Most people will want to read a story or roleplay and/or actually roleplay in a roleplay where the characters have flaws. Flawless characters are boring because there isn't a single person/animal/etc. that's perfect, and if there was, they'd be a pretty boring person/animal/etc. So, on that note, I'd suggest putting in some major and minor flaws to stir things up and spark interest here and there. :3
Post by *Midnightsoul* on Jul 29, 2012 15:51:24 GMT -5
I was a newbie at one point, and when I was, I probably would've been very glad to have critiquing, and I didn't get much critiquing, so I find it pretty rude that you seem so hating toward critiquing; I'm not trying to insult you, I'm trying to help you.
I don't understand "Fourth, thats a bit?! " If you're pointing toward the "flawless characters" part, I was being honest: most people aren't going to want to read it if the characters don't have any flaws because being flawless is boring. Have you ever heard the saying that if we were all the same, we'd be pretty boring? It fits here, too; if a character's perfect, they're boring.