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Post by wolflight on Sept 8, 2014 6:57:42 GMT -5
This is a fanfic I've been working on for a few weeks, writing story-lines and trying .... but failing to draw characters for, i'd love it if people could give me some constructive feedback, this is meant to be a crossover of Warrior cats and a youtuber group called The Creatures, however I've written it in a way that shouldn't hinder those that don't know the group)
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Post by wolflight on Sept 8, 2014 7:01:00 GMT -5
FINDING OUR PLACE
“It’s raining again, perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest, Rainpaw is probably exhausted again” The deputy Brownnose said softly to his leader, Ryestar.
Ryestar looked over at his clan, their eyes were dull with exhaustion and the rain didn’t help them look any better, making their pelts cling to their skinny bodies. The hunting on the way to their new home had been bad, they had lost a lot of good warriors and the last one was his mate ShimmerMoon. Ryestar had been forced to keep moving after she fell from that damned mountain, unable to even bury her. Ryestar studied their surroundings and saw a thick clump of trees ahead.
“Once we make it to those trees, we can rest and hunt in the morning, Brownnose I need you to organize the hunting pa…” glancing over his clan he saw the dismal amount of warriors they had, sighing with grief, he corrected himself “Take all the warriors we have to hunt, we need as much as we can catch tomorrow if we ever want to find the place of glowing rocks” His clan looking back at him with hopeful eyes and stood taller, their leader nodded to them and struck up a quick pace, even exhausted, the thought of shelter gave them wind in their paws.
The rain slowly stopped and the clouds cleared as they reached the outside of the trees. Rainpaw took a tentative step forward, out of the line of cats and began to sniff at the trees “Rainpaw, is something the matter” Ryestar asked, concerned by the usually unfazed young medicine cat apprentice's nervousness. “I-I’m not sure, there’s something strange about these woods, nothing bad, just…. Strange”
The youngest apprentice, Shredpaw walked out and sniffed the nearest tree “They aren't the usual trees from our old home, they smell much stronger and have thicker trunks, good for climbing, and their canopies are much larger, keeping out a lot more rain than the old birch trees” Shredpaw looked back to see everyone staring at him “What?!” he challenged, looking all of them in the eye before looking at Thundercloud, his mentor for an explanation.
“You seem to be trying to convince us to stay here without knowing the territory Shredpaw, plus we need to find the Glowing stones before we even consider finding a place to stay” Thundercloud said softly, he voice considerably low after a fox sprang at him not far back after he alerted it with a shout of surprise, though he quickly dealt with it, RyeStar had asked him to keep him voice low for now.
Shredpaw scuffed the ground “I’m just saying what it is, a good place to stop and rest” he glanced at Ryestar, who nodded with a smile, slightly amused by the young apprentices enthusiastic grin as he walked back to the other apprentices, his mud covered coat clinging to his skinny legs, revealing just how badly the apprentices needed food.
Ryestar slowly walked past the treeline and into the large forest, his clan slowly following behind, a rustling caught their attention. Pheonixpaw, one of the newer apprentices, crouched low and slowly walked over to the bush, sniffing before lunging headfirst into it “Pheonixpaw!” Thundercloud said a bit too loudly, everyone cringed as the flutter of wings and scuttling of tiny feet shook the forest as prey scattered in every direction, many mice and squirrels came shooting through the bushes, apparently unable to pinpoint where the noise came from. The remaining apprentices and warriors, even Ryestar, sprang about and caught as much as possible. Once the sudden rush of prey stopped, everyone looked at the bush where Pheonixpaw had jumped to see him pulling a large rabbit out of it. The rabbit was at least twice his size, he had a small scratch on his left ear but otherwise he was unharmed.
Rainpaw came over and sniffed his ear, checking for other wounds. The clan cats were laying down to eat and rest as Pheonixpaw bumped his head against Rainpaw’s, telling him he was fine apart from the scratch. Rainpaw glanced around, his ears down a bit “I don’t know if there are any herbs around here that I can use for stopping infection”
Pheonixpaw’s ears dropped “Let’s see if we can find some Chervil leaves, and collect anything we know while we look” Rainpaw blinked at him appreciatively and they looked at Ryestar. Ryestar glanced around for someone who looked fit enough to watch over the young apprentices, his eyes falling on Slyfox, who he beckoned with his tail, Slyfox got up and walked over with a smile, even though his body ached for rest. "Slyfox, would you mind escorting our new medicine cat and Pheonixpaw while they find some herbs?" Slyfox nodded and walked over to the two apprentices "Okay let's try over this way" Slyfox said, pointing his tail to the deeper part of the woods.
It didn’t take long for them to come across different varieties of plants, Rainpaw started sniffing each of them, trying to find one that smelled right“Chervil! Rainpaw, over here!” SlyFox called from a few rabbit leaps ahead, Rainpaw bounded over, his eyes carrying a glint of hope and sure enough, SlyFox stood by a large chervil bush which was strong and healthy.
Rainpaw walked over to the chervil and nipped off some of the leaves, beckoning Pheonixpaw with his tail as he chewed it into paste. Pheonixpaw sat down and waited till the paste was applied to his ear “No grooming that ear till it hardens a bit, we may have a good supply but I won’t waste it because you were careless about grooming”
After several minutes of picking leaves and being scolded by Rainpaw if he though too many were picked, they left with some good stocks of herbs, Chervil leaves and roots, coltsfoot, horsetail, marigold and some yarrow. Once the three worked out what direction they came from, they slowly trekked back to where the rest of their clan resided.
The clan was resting peacefully when the returned, the moon was just rising and already several cats were lying down to sleep, others already there, some stood guard. Slyfox nodded to Thundercloud and Sharpeye as they passed, the two warriors smiled at their new medicine cat, Rainpaw, who curled his tail as his mouth was full of herbs.
Pheonixpaw began to realize something as he looked around at his clanmates and looked for Ryestar, seeing him in a shallow dug out near a tree, he walked over and sat down, Ryestar lifted his head and smiled “Come in Pheonixpaw, I see we have a good supply of herbs already" Pheonixpaw realized his mouth was still crammed with coltsfoot and horsetail, setting it down before speaking “Ryestar, I know this isn't something an apprentice should ask his leader but…. How can the clan survive without any she-cats?”
Ryestar looked at him for a moment, before looking out at his clanmates, realization struck him “Shimmermoon was the last she-cat….” Ryestar lowered his head and sent a silent prayer to our ancestors in MoonClan for Shimmermoon before opening his eyes and looking at Pheonixpaw “We must hope that MoonClan can aid us, if not….” Ryestar lowered his head to the ground and sighed “If not, then our clan has till the youngest apprentice to survive”
Pheonixpaw nodded and stood up, taking the horsetail and coltsfoot with him as he walked over to the clans new medicine cat, placing the herbs with the pile beside Rainpaw who was sat under a young sapling, carefully stacking the herbs under the shelter of the small tree's leaves, ready to be packed into leaves for when they continued their journey. Rainpaw looked up only to nod and thank him before getting back to his work, his tail taking a moment to twitch and point out the other apprentices who were huddled under a large bush.
Pheonixpaw walked over and, being very careful not to step on Shredpaw’s tail, managed to huddle in between Shredpaw and Steadypaw to huddle down, laying his head down to finally get some sleep.
A loud shout woke all the apprentices as Rainpaw darted past, calling for Ryestar; everyone was stirring and gathering around RyeStar’s dug out, Rainpaw pushed past them all, shouting for them to move back and give him space, everyone shuffled to a reasonable distance as Rainpaw began to push on Ryestar’s chest, everyone’s eyes fixed on the scene before them.
(If there are any mistakes please let me know so i can fix them ASAP, the next Chapter will be up soon, after i double proof read it and get the spacing right)
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Post by Dawnsky on Sept 8, 2014 12:58:43 GMT -5
Well, the storyline seems ok, but it's really, really hard to read with a wall of text like that. Every time a new character starts to speak, you should make a new paragraph. That's the correct usage, and it makes it a lot easier to read.
For example:
“It’s raining again, perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest, Rainpaw is probably exhausted again” The deputy BrownNose said softly to his leader, RyeStar.
RyeStar looked over at his clan, their eyes were dull with exhaustion and the rain didn’t help them look any better, making their pelts cling to their skinny bodies. The hunting on the way to their new home had been bad, they had lost a lot of good warriors and the last one was his mate ShimmerMoon. RyeStar had been forced to keep moving after she fell from that damned mountain, unable to even bury her. RyeStar studied their surroundings and saw a thick clump of trees ahead.
“Once we make it to those trees, we can rest and hunt in the morning, BrownNose I need you to organize the hunting pa…” glancing over his clan he saw the dismal amount of warriors they had, sighing with grief, he corrected himself “Take all the warriors we have to hunt, we need as much as we can catch tomorrow if we ever want to find the place of glowing rocks.”
That's a lot easier to read. You also have a couple of grammar issues, but we can get to those later. And are you capitalizing the second part of the warrior names intentionally? Because normally it's "Brownnose."
I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but people will like your writing a lot better if it has proper punctuation and formatting. (I know quite a bit about this because I am an aspiring writer myself.)
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Post by Whitedove on Sept 8, 2014 18:17:36 GMT -5
It's pretty interesting so far, definitely has potential to be an even more awesome story. I also agree with Dawn about the paragraphs, the grammar, and also the second part of the warrior names being capitalized.
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Post by wolflight on Sept 9, 2014 11:12:46 GMT -5
Well, the storyline seems ok, but it's really, really hard to read with a wall of text like that. Every time a new character starts to speak, you should make a new paragraph. That's the correct usage, and it makes it a lot easier to read. For example: “It’s raining again, perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest, Rainpaw is probably exhausted again” The deputy BrownNose said softly to his leader, RyeStar. RyeStar looked over at his clan, their eyes were dull with exhaustion and the rain didn’t help them look any better, making their pelts cling to their skinny bodies. The hunting on the way to their new home had been bad, they had lost a lot of good warriors and the last one was his mate ShimmerMoon. RyeStar had been forced to keep moving after she fell from that damned mountain, unable to even bury her. RyeStar studied their surroundings and saw a thick clump of trees ahead. “Once we make it to those trees, we can rest and hunt in the morning, BrownNose I need you to organize the hunting pa…” glancing over his clan he saw the dismal amount of warriors they had, sighing with grief, he corrected himself “Take all the warriors we have to hunt, we need as much as we can catch tomorrow if we ever want to find the place of glowing rocks.” That's a lot easier to read. You also have a couple of grammar issues, but we can get to those later. And are you capitalizing the second part of the warrior names intentionally? Because normally it's "Brownnose." I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but people will like your writing a lot better if it has proper punctuation and formatting. (I know quite a bit about this because I am an aspiring writer myself.) No need to apologize, I asked for constructive feedback and you gave it to me. I didn't realize i had written so much to be honest, it looks a lot less on the program i use so I didn't use as many paragraphs, I'll be more careful about that when i post the next chapter. As for the spelling i did proofread and spell check it but if I've missed some things I'll double check and fix them. For the second word of the warriors names i was capitalizing intentionally but i can fix that easily if it is bothering people. I appreciate you giving me an honest opinion Thanks for the help. This is the first time I've posted my writing online and it certainly helps having someone to tell me if something is wrong.
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Post by Dawnsky on Sept 9, 2014 14:54:30 GMT -5
Thanks for taking the advice so well. It looks a lot better already! I'm interested to see where the story will go. I know you spell-checked and proofread it again, but there are still a couple comma splices that your word processor didn't catch, like "It's raining again, perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest, Rainpaw's probably exhausted."
That is a run-on sentence. Each part of that should, grammatically, be an individual sentence (It's raining again. Perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest. Rainpaw's probably exhausted.) But people don't talk that way. Our sentences are more fluid and connected, and so amateur writers (including myself) often accidentally run these together with commas to reflect how people actually talk.
Instead, you could choose two of the sentences to put together with a dash, to make them more connected. You could do "It's raining again - perhaps we should stop let the apprentices rest. Rainpaw's probably exhausted," or "It's raining again. Perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest - Rainpaw's probably exhausted again. Of course, then you have to be careful not to use too many dashes.
Don't feel like you don't know anything. Your writing is a lot better than some newbies' I've seen. Commas are probably the trickiest part of grammar, and mistakes with them are hard to spot. I've been writing for several years and I still make lots of comma errors.
And as a matter of interest: Why are you capitalizing the last part of the warrior names? It doesn't bother me, I just want to know.
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Post by wolflight on Sept 10, 2014 4:31:01 GMT -5
Thanks for taking the advice so well. It looks a lot better already! I'm interested to see where the story will go. I know you spell-checked and proofread it again, but there are still a couple comma splices that your word processor didn't catch, like "It's raining again, perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest, Rainpaw's probably exhausted." That is a run-on sentence. Each part of that should, grammatically, be an individual sentence (It's raining again. Perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest. Rainpaw's probably exhausted.) But people don't talk that way. Our sentences are more fluid and connected, and so amateur writers (including myself) often accidentally run these together with commas to reflect how people actually talk. Instead, you could choose two of the sentences to put together with a dash, to make them more connected. You could do "It's raining again - perhaps we should stop let the apprentices rest. Rainpaw's probably exhausted," or "It's raining again. Perhaps we should stop and let the apprentices rest - Rainpaw's probably exhausted again. Of course, then you have to be careful not to use too many dashes. Don't feel like you don't know anything. Your writing is a lot better than some newbies' I've seen. Commas are probably the trickiest part of grammar, and mistakes with them are hard to spot. I've been writing for several years and I still make lots of comma errors. And as a matter of interest: Why are you capitalizing the last part of the warrior names? It doesn't bother me, I just want to know. Thanks for the advice on commas. It really is something i need to work on, but not having someone other than myself to check my work makes it hard to know if I've made these mistakes. The capitalizing was a case of, some name had several of the same letters and it made them easier for me to read for example Shimmermoon has 3 ms in it, so to make it easier for myself i started to capitalize all of them as a force of habit. I sometimes misread words with too many of the same letter so it made it easier to proofread without thinking it was an error.
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Post by Dawnsky on Sept 10, 2014 13:40:38 GMT -5
Oh, that makes sense. It's actually a pretty good idea. Maybe then you can just quickly change all of them when you're ready to post it or show it to someone or something.
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Post by wolflight on Sept 10, 2014 14:02:48 GMT -5
Yeah, definitely a good idea. Thanks, I'll keep that in mind while I'm finishing Chapter 2. I just hope i can stop using commas so much. We were taught in school not to make sentences too short and to use commas rather than constantly using full stops, then high school was the complete opposite, too many commas not enough sentences. It's honestly frustrating, by the way i was wondering if i could maybe PM you chapter 2 when it's finished just so i know its okay to post without silly mistakes like spelling and commas. I's okay if you don't want to I'll just be extra careful.
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Post by Dawnsky on Sept 10, 2014 16:07:28 GMT -5
Sure, PM me. This is good practice for me too. I have to pay more attention to grammar and stuff, which I often forget about when writing.
I know, school can be so irritating. They don't actually tell you the grammar rules, they just tell you what not to do and then take it back a few years later when they want your sentences to be more complicated. Like how they tell you not to start sentences with "because" even though there's a perfectly correct way to do it. (Because this happened, something else happened.)
In my opinion, one of the best ways to get better at writing (both in plot and grammar) is to just read a lot, because then you get a feel for how a story is told, what proper grammar is, and when to break the rules (yes, you can break the rules) for dramatic effect.
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Post by wolflight on Sept 11, 2014 11:51:00 GMT -5
The glowing stones
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Post by Icytail on Oct 3, 2014 17:07:58 GMT -5
That's some really good writing there, although paragraphing and non capitalizing second part of name, over all, can't wait for next part!
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Post by wolflight on Oct 11, 2014 8:08:59 GMT -5
Sorry its been so long, my second chapter got completely deleted when my netbook got slow and my mum wiped it so I'm re-writing it and should have it done soon. I'll also be doing it from Pheonixpaw's POV unless story dictates other POVs.
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Post by Icytail on Oct 11, 2014 15:11:23 GMT -5
Ok yay
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Post by wolflight on Oct 24, 2014 13:53:43 GMT -5
LAST LIFE LOST Ryestar opened his eyes slowly, he was still under the tree but his clanmates were gone, at first he though the hunting patrol had left, but shook his head, they wouldn’t have just left him alone, asleep and defenceless. A calm “mrrow” behind him made him look around and gasp. There stood Shimmermoon, his former mate. The last time Ryestar had seen her she had been plummeting to her death off a gargantuan mountain but now she stood tall and proud before him as her grey and black tabby coat glimmering with moonlight. “Ryestar, your clan will survive and thrive in this forest, but you cannot be with them when they do” Ryestar’s eyes widened “But they have no she-cats, how can they thrive with no kits and no new apprentices” Shimmermoon smiled and flicked her tail at the moon, three silhouettes appeared, one was a tom cat, the others she-cats “These three will help restore the clan. All you have to do is wait but Ryestar, you have served you clan longer than any cat in MoonClan and yet you still have one life left. It is time for you to join us” Ryestar closed his eyes “When must I join you?” Shimmermoon’s eyes clouded with sadness “You already are” Ryestar looked down and saw his legs shimmering with the moons glow “No… NO… I must tell them before I go; they must know there is hope!” “They will Ryestar. Rainpaw will find the glowing stones and us, and we will tell him all we can but we must be patient while they adjust to their new life now. You have ruled for so long they have forgotten what it is to lose their leader so it will be hard for them” Ryestar felt the glow slowly reach his neck before it jerked back a bit. Shimmermoon smiled “Rainpaw has heard us and he is trying to save you, you may go to him but you cannot tell him of the three yet, he must find the stones first and earn his medicine cat name. Putting all of this on him now would only cause extreme pressure on him, pressure he would not be able to stand against” Ryestar watched the glimmer go down slowly and closed his eyes, opening them again to see Rainpaw’s frantic paws moving on his chest. “Rainpaw, stop” Rainpaw looked at him, but didn’t cease him movement on his chest “No, I won’t lose another cat, I lost everyone but you on this journey” “The journey is over; this is the place with the glowing rocks. Rainpaw you must find them and earn your medicine cat name from MoonClan, they are waiting for you and me as well. Please let me go to them in peace Rainpaw. I have ruled this clan for too long, more moons than I could ever count but I can do one more thing before I leave. Fetch me Brownnose” Rainpaw stopped moving on his chest, slowly turning to the small gathering of cats behind him “Brownnose” he said simply. Brownnose hurried out of the crowd to his Leaders side and knelt down “Ryestar, I cannot become a leader without the glowing stones, you and I both know that” he said softly. Ryestar nodded “I am aware but this clan cannot lead itself Brownnose. These cats need someone they can depend on to make decisions and keep order. If ever a cat could do that it’s you Brownnose” Brownnose looked at his dying leader before lowering his head and touching noses with his old mentor and his best friend. “I will miss you Ryestar, we all will” Ryestar nodded “I will miss all of you, but I will not leave you, MoonClan is with you. Help Rainpaw to find the glowing stones then and only then will everything fit and this will be your new home” Ryestar’s eyes closed softly and his breath escaped in a soft exhale of breath, his body slowly went limp and cold. Brownnose sat up, his eyes closed in grief as others gathered around to look at the leader all of them were born to and raised with. Sharpeye walked up beside Brownnose and nudged him softly, breaking him from his trance; he opened his eyes and faced his clan. “It was Ryestar’s dying wish that even without the glowing stones I am to become your leader, and I promise you I will do everything in my power to be the leader all of you deserve, we will make Ryestar proud, we will find ourselves a camp and build it into our home, but for tonight we will mourn the loss of a great leader, friend and father, Shredpaw, Steadypaw and Pheonixpaw will bury him in the morning with Sharpeye standing vigil” Mrrows of approval rose from the crowd and all the cats began to chant “Brownstar, Brownstar” Brownstar bowed his head to them before standing “Tradition dictates that I announce the new deputy before moonhigh on the day of a leaders death” Glancing at the night sky Brownstar saw the moon was almost at its highest point. Brownstar looked among his warriors, he knew all of them well and considered all of them friends but he needed someone who could see things he just couldn't and there was a clear choice “I say these words before MoonClan so the spirits of our former ancestors may hear and approve of my choice; the new deputy of CreatureClan is Sharpeye” Sharpeye raised his head from Ryestar’s fur, shock and surprise etched on his face as his clanmates started to chant “Sharpeye, Sharpeye” he hadn't been expecting to be chosen as deputy. He had expected Slyfox or Thundercloud to be chosen, but not to seem ungrateful he bowed his head to the crowd of chanting cats “Thank you all. I will do all I can to serve my clan” The crowd eventually calmed down and began to settle for the night. Brownstar looked around for someone to keep watch, his eyes catching with Slyfox. Slyfox stood but Brownstar shook his head. Brownstar knew Slyfox was exhausted and would benefit from a good rest. Sharpeye nudged Brownstar’s shoulder lightly “I’ll keep watch for tonight Brownstar” Brownstar smiled at his new deputy and nodded before slowly walking over to the dug-out where his former leader lay. Brownstar lay down and buried his nose in his former leader’s fur and closed his eyes. The morning sun shone brightly when Brownstar finally rose from his mourning and slowly stretched his sore muscles. The clan was slowly stirring and most were gathering around Sharpeye to ask about hunting patrols. “Slyfox and Pheonixpaw can head south. Thundercloud and Shredpaw can go west. Longhorn and Horsemane can go east. Steadypaw and I will stay here with Brownstar and Rainpaw to watch this area till all the patrols return. If you see anything concerning or a possible campsite come back immediately and inform us” All the warriors and apprentices let out a yowl and began to split off into their groups. Brownstar smiled and felt his shoulders relax a bit. “Sharpeye was a good choice. His talent allows him to see things other cats can’t. A great trait for a deputy” Brownstar thought as he watched his warriors and apprentices move out on their patrols. (I found a backup of this chapter on my pen-drive and spent half an hour scanning it for errors but if there are any don't hesitate to let me know )
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Post by wolflight on Oct 24, 2014 14:26:59 GMT -5
Also Chapter 3 is complete i'm just ironing out any errors before I post it
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Post by Icytail on Oct 24, 2014 18:14:26 GMT -5
I really didn't see any errors that are obvious, really good though!
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Post by wolflight on Oct 25, 2014 12:41:39 GMT -5
Thanks Icytail I'll be posting chapter 3 tomorrow
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Post by Icytail on Oct 25, 2014 14:27:30 GMT -5
Ok coolio!
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Post by wolflight on Oct 26, 2014 6:21:41 GMT -5
The Camp Pheonixpaw ran through the undergrowth with determination. “Slow down Pheonixpaw. The prey will hear you coming for miles” Slyfox called from behind him. Pheonixpaw slowed his pace for his mentor to catch up. “But Slyfox if we can find a decent place for camp before nightfall we can have a good place to sleep rather than huddling under bushes” Slyfox chuckled and shook his head “You are forgetting that the old camp was basically made up of bushes, and you had no problem sleeping under them” Pheonixpaw sniffed angrily “Before the twolegs came and started spraying skunkstink all over them” Slyfox sighed and nodded “Okay. We can look for possible campsites but only after we catch some prey. Warriors still need to eat Pheonixpaw” Pheonixpaw nodded and slowed down, ears and nose sharp for scents and sounds of prey. A scuffling noise made his head turn and his ears prick. A squirrel sat nibbling on a nut, its tail twitching as it bit down, completely oblivious of the two cats staring at it a few rabbit hops away. Slyfox lowered himself into a crouch, his fluffy tail low as he crept forward with delicate movements. Pheonixpaw crouched down and waited. Slyfox was known for his cunning and initiative. Every step he took was carefully calculated to stop the prey feeling any vibration from his footsteps, his breath was so quiet it was hard to believe he was breathing at all. Pheonixpaw watched as his mentor’s body froze in place a rabbit’s hop behind the squirrel. One swift movement had Slyfox standing with the squirrel hanging in his jaws. Pheonixpaw smiled as Slyfox trotted back over and dropped the squirrel “Next one’s yours Pheonixpaw. We may not have a camp but you need to keep your skills as sharp as possible” Pheonixpaw nodded and began to listen carefully to the sounds of the forest. An odd sound caught his ears. Pheonixpaw tilted his head a bit and walked slowly towards the noise. Slyfox perked his ears and followed his apprentice before stopping abruptly and grabbing Pheonixpaw by the scruff as the apprentice’s paws slipped over a well hidden embankment where he almost plummeted several feet into a decently fast river. “Th-Thanks Slyfox. That was close” Pheonixpaw said as Slyfox set him down gently a decent bit away from the edge. “It’s important to know what running water sounds like, this could be dangerous with all this cover. Perhaps we should go and report this to Sharpeye before any other cat falls in” Pheonixpaw’s heart fell and Slyfox could see it in his hunched shoulders and drooping tail “I know you want to look for a campsite Pheonixpaw but it was an order from the deputy, ignoring it could have serious consequences and I don’t just mean cleaning out nests. Any cat could make the same mistake you did and fall to their deaths” Pheonixpaw nodded “I know that but do you think Sharpeye will let us keep hunting and searching?” Slyfox smiled “I’ll ask him myself when we report it. With any luck I can convince him that we’ll be scent marking it and maybe we stumbled onto a good campsite” Pheonixpaw’s tail shot up happily “Okay! Let’s go” Shredpaw sniffed cautiously at a hole he had spotted in the ground as Thundercloud stalk a small bird a few rabbit hops away. Shredpaw could distinctly smell a cat scent in the hole but he couldn't seem to pinpoint if it had gone in or out of the hole or if it was still in there. Shredpaw carefully withdrew his head and looked over to see Thundercloud walking over with the bird and an extra mouse in his jaws “Shredpaw the prey won’t just walk out with your head in there you know” Shredpaw smirked and rolled his eyes “Yeah, yeah I know that but it’s not prey I smell. I can smell a cat in there but I can’t pinpoint it. It’s frustrating me” Thundercloud slowly walked over and sniffed the hole “I see what you mean Shredpaw. We need to report this immediately. Sharpeye will be anxious to mark territory if there are other cats around” Shredpaw grinned and nodded before darting after his mentor. Once Shredpaw could smell his clanmates he could hear frantic chatting and discussion. Thundercloud slowed and they walked into the small area together. Sharpeye and Brownstar sat in front of Slyfox and Pheonixpaw. Slyfox turned his head as they walked over to the group “Hey Thundercloud, anything you need to report?” Thundercloud nodded and sat beside him, beckoning Shredpaw to sit beside Pheonixpaw. Shredpaw walked over and sat by his denmate. “Did something happen with you guys?” he asked curiously, noting his friends kneading paws and faraway expression. Pheonixpaw turned and nodded “After Slyfox caught a squirrel I heard something but couldn't see it, so I walked in that direction and nearly fell into a deep river. Slyfox thought we should scentmark it to stop any cat from falling in” Shredpaw nodded “I found a cats scent in a hole while Thundercloud was hunting. He thought we should report it in case there are cats around so we could set up our boundaries before any cat got hostile”Pheonixpaw nodded and looked back to the warriors that were speaking. So we have a deep river to the south that runs east and possible cats to the west. Thank you Thundercloud and Slyfox. You can stay in the camp and rest” Sharpeye said with a nod to the two warriors. “Actually Sharpeye Pheonixpaw and I would like the scent mark the river so other cats don’t fall in by mistake.” Slyfox said anxiously – he was very good at persuading other cats with his body language. Sharpeye nodded in understanding “Alright but rest first. You may go when the sun is above that pine tree but no sooner. I don’t want any warriors or apprentices straining themselves now that we have shelter and food” Pheonixpaw felt his heart sink as he looked at the pine tree Sharpeye had indicated. I would be almost sundown by that time. Slyfox looked at him as he passed and blinked sadly before heading to a bush and settling down to rest. Pheonixpaw walked with Shredpaw chatting about what prey he had seen while with Thundercloud as they settled down in their temporary resting place. Pheonixpaw lay his head down and soon Shredpaw fell silent as the suns heat made them sleepy. Pheonixpaw awoke to a paw prodding him softly “Pheonixpaw. It’s time for us to go mark the river” Slyfox’s voice interrupted his dream of hunting. Pheonixpaw opened his eyes to see the sun barely touching the pine tree and slowly untangled from Shredpaw – although his attitude was tough he didn’t like being alone. Pheonixpaw stretched and walked beside his mentor towards the river. “Alright, I think we are close to the edge of the river.” As they approached a loud roar could be heard from over the edge. “What is that noise?” Pheonixpaw asked as they reached the edge and looked over. A large stream of water was being thrown over the cliff edge into the lake below creating a loud noise that made both cats uncomfortable. “Maybe we should hurry and get away from this part. Any cat knows not to go here with that noise” Slyfox said loudly so Pheonixpaw could hear him over the falling water. Pheonixpaw nodded but marked the edge anyway. As they walked along Pheonixpaw began to notice a lot of tunnels dotted around the forest and even though he had seen a pair of eyes in one at one point. Once they had finished marking the rivers covered areas they slowly walked back through the forest, their eyes peeled, as they looked for anything that the cats could use as shelter. Something caught Pheonixpaw’s eye and he indicated with his tail to Slyfox as a large clearing came into view from atop the hill they were walking along. It was a cliff face with holes scattered along the exposed surface. “Caves? Interesting but let’s check there aren’t any current inhabitants first” Slyfox commented as he crouched and slowly slunk down the hill with his ears and eyes searching for signs of life. Pheonixpaw slowly followed and checked for scents as they scaled the hill and came into the clearing. Slyfox still looked uncertain “Let’s check the caves. That one first” he pointed with his tail to a low cave which would be easy to reach for any cat. Pheonixpaw padded over and drew in a breath at the entrance “No scent of fox, badger or bear, there’s cat scent but it’s very, very stale. No cat has lived in this cave for a long time.” Pheonixpaw called out to Slyfox who was standing guard at the entrance. Slyfox walked in and looked around “Well if we do move here this would be good for either the elders or medicine den. There’s even a pool in the back” Pheonixpaw glanced over to see a small curve in the back of the cave where water softly dripped down. “Rainpaw would like that” he thought to himself as they left the cave. The next was higher up on the rock face but not by much. “Any cat could make it here” Slyfox commented “It’s big enough for plenty of nests “Perhaps the elders?” “It wouldn’t protect them from an attack” Slyfox pointed out “But if the warriors have higher dens they can jump down on any cat who goes near this cave” Pheonixpaw countered and was happy when Slyfox grinned and nodded “Just like when we would drop down on prey from the trees in the old forest” Both cats went quiet as they thought of their old home before shaking it off and looking at the next set of caves “They are higher and that one is directly above the elders. The warriors den as long as its big enough” Slyfox confirmed as he jumped from ledge to ledge trying to find a safe way to reach it without the jumps being too high or too far apart “And that one to the left would probably do for the nursery, the hardest to reach for any animal means total safety for the kits” “But also a high fall if they should stumble out accidentally” Pheonixpaw nodded. “Then perhaps that should be the Leader’s den” Slyfox smiled “Brownnose would like that - he loves high places like this” Pheonixpaw looked at the other caves “So we have a medicine den, the leaders den, and the warriors den. Now we need one for a nursery and the apprentices.” Slyfox examined the remaining caves “The one next to the warriors is fairly low and it’s easy enough to reach perhaps that would work for the apprentices” Pheonixpaw looked at the cave and leaned down before jumping and landing squarely on the edge. One glance into the cave told him it was more than enough space for the three apprentices “This would do now all we need is the…” Pheonixpaw glanced down and noticed something odd about a bramble bush at the bottom of the cliff face. The bush was hiked up very high and with nothing to cling to it seemed very unusual. Pheonixpaw jumped down and trotted over to the bush. A closer look revealed a spacious cave with moss growing all over the floor. “Slyfox come and look at this!” he called up as his mentor watched from the warriors cave. Slyfox landed beside him and peeked in through the brambles “Well would you look at that! It’s as if MoonClan has this place ready for us” Pheonixpaw twitched his tail happily as he looked up and only then did he notice how late it was. The moon sat high above them. Sending a silent prayer of thanks to his ancestors, Pheonixpaw looked at his mentor and they both nodded “This will be CreatureClan’s new home.” Pheonixpaw raced back to the clearing with Slyfox right beside him. The cats on guard jumped aside as the two of them skidded to a halt and looked around for Brownstar. “Brownstar, we have great news” Slyfox called as the rest of the clan gathered around them.” Brownstar walked out from the small dug out and shook himself before coming over to the two excited cats. “What is it?” he asked sleepily. Pheonixpaw guessed that suddenly becoming a leader was a bit draining for him. “We found a great place for camp. It’s a cliff face with several caves although it seems cats had used it a very long time ago there are no traces of anything living there now.” Brownstar’s ears pricked and he listened to their descriptions carefully. “This sounds almost perfect but where would I call a clan meeting?” Pheonixpaw thought back to the view from the hill “There was a large jut just a few tail lengths high from the ground made of stone. Perhaps that would do?” he asked. Brownstar nodded “Alright. The clan shall travel to this place and we shall decide after the clan has seen it.” Pheonixpaw felt fire in his pelt at his excitement for finding their new home. Steadypaw and Shredpaw walked over and started asking questions about everything he had seen. Pheonixpaw answered them as the three of them lay down to rest with a mouse each. Slyfox was getting the same from the warriors on the other side of the small clearing. Pheonixpaw yawned and glanced up at the moon shining above them. Soon every cat’s eyes were locked onto the moon and all at once they chanted “Thank you MoonClan”
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